His body's bangin' but his face is booty! Do you do him or don't him?
25 favorite gaylebrities, including MICHAEL MUSTO, VANESSA DEL RIO,
COLTON FORD and GAWKER'S BRIAN MOYLAN get down and talk turkey!
It's turkey time, so gay dating megasite Gaydar.net is following up its hilarious and somewhat disturbing 2010 Online Dating Dos and Don’ts poll by going back to our gaylebrity panel to ask, "Hot turkey on your Gaydar? Gag or gobble?" Pass or go for it? The situation: You meet a guy rocking the hottest body you've ever seen and he's all about you. Sadly, he's got a face that could stop a clock. And let's not even talk about the teeth. Or tooth. Or breath. What to do?" Our panel talks...turkey:
< Click to "unlock" Turkey Boy's profile
Vanessa del Rio (New York City)
Sex Goddess, Star, “Vanessa del Rio: 50 Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior!” (Taschen)
GOBBLE: Well being the slut that I am I would gag him and put a stocking over his face so he looks weirdly menacing and gobble gobble away! But that body would have to be my button pushing Colton Ford type body!! *sigh* ;-(--
GAG: Well putting aside the personality factor, which can totally change someones hotness or lack thereof, if his face is booty and his teeth are even worse, I don't think he'd be pushing my buttons to begin with!
GAG: A hot body with a bad face on top is like a really fabulous new duplex apartment with no roof. It's not worth getting into.
Sherry Vine (New York City)
Actress, Entertainer, star of the new variety show, "She's Living For This," premiering on Here TV February 2012.
GOBBLE: Well, I am a big fan of making out (how high school of me!) so teeth would kinda be an issue. I don't mind "snaggle tooth" as long as the breath is fresh and they are a good kisser! Honestly, I would go with the guy with the pot belly and hot tongue vs. the hottie who can't kiss!
GOBBLE: Go for it! Who cares about the face? First of all, the lights are gonna be out. Secondly, your standards for beauty are probably not even your own because they are wrapped up in our totally twisted contemporary culture and its weird tics for wide-set eyebrows, pouty lips and impossible-to-achieve cheekbones. It's more reliable to trust your animal-like attraction to someone's body.
GOBBLE: I'm not turned off by ugly people, as long as they have good credit.
David Lauterstein (New York City)
CEO, Nasty Pig Inc.
Check out the new Dominant Jeans at
GAG: Gag. If you've got a body like a temple with a face to guard it I gotta worship elsewhere!
Shequida (New York City)
Currently performing around NYC with residency at BAR-TINI Ultra Lounge.
GAG: Haha. This has happened to me a few times. I see a great body online, ask for a face pic and...YIKES! Anyone can work out and get a body. A good looking face is in the genes. And that hot face will be buried in my jeans later. :-) So a great body, a busted face and "summer teeth" (some are some aren't) ...HELL NO!
GOBBLE: Yes, I'd go for it. My bed has really nice pillows for him to bite.
Jackie Beat (Los Angeles)
Jackie Beat is The Nutcracker! At the Laurie Beechman Theater in NYC Dec 14 thru 18. Tickets: SpinCycleNYC.com
GOBBLE: Honey, times are tough! There ain't no way this lonely middle-aged drag queen is gonna pass up some quality cock and/or body just because the head attached is less than model perfection! That reminds me of when I try to give my doggy bag to a homeless person and they ask, "Um, is there cheese on this? I'm vegan!" Excuse me? Beggars can't be choosers, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. And don't look a horse-hung gift in the mouth, either! Just make him take a shower and then GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
Mike Alvear (Atlanta)
Comedian. Advice Columnist, Author shows you how to meet, attract and date hotter guys at www.gaydatingsuccess.net
GAG: Got me between a rock and a hard place. And not it a good way. Depends on the size of his dick, really. (I admit it, I'm a size queen.) I suppose I could take out my contacts, forget his looks and skip the kisses (cause you know bad teeth = bad breath) or have him do me from behind, but then I can’t see that hot body. Then again, I could just have him go down, but if he as terrible teeth—ooh, I don’t know. Even if it is just gratuitous sex, eyes and face are important. In the end, I think I’d have to just go solo and pleasure myself.
Greg Scarnici (New York City)
Greg Scarnici is currently performing his new one man show, "Must Be The Music." For dates:
GOBBLE: Gobble, gobble! Cause you won't be looking at that busted face with a mouth full of turkey sausage. Or you can always wrap him up in one of those "American Horror" black latex cat suits that are so hot right now, turn him around so only his best, um, ass-ets are on display, and stuff that turke
Michael Lucas (New York City)
Actor, Director, CEO, Lucas Entertainment
GOBBLE: These stunners I like to classify as masked fuckers. All you have to do is slip your underwear off, place it over their head and done. With the holes appropriately placed you can fuck their face and check your underwear for gonorrhea leakage all at the same time. Gobble up!
Miss Foozie (Chicago)
Entertainer, Laugh Provider
GOBBLE: Gobble! Gobble! I finally found my true love! You pushed all my buttons–that still work! And I that I can get booty from your face! Your teeth are no problem, I can always replace them! Or not!
Big hug to all you hot turkeys!
GOBBLE: I had a camp counselor in ninth grade who told me two bits of wisdom to live by: Never buy pussy, when there's so much free stuff around; and, you don't fuck the face. Since the guy's going to be face-down anyway, he could look like Quasimodo for all I care.
Vinnie Potisivo (New York City)
Vinnie Potestivo Entertainment, Inc.
Casting director, "The Fire Island Project"
GAG: Gag. I mean, gag politely, but I'd move on quickly. You don't need to be picture perfect, but I'm a total face-jock kind of guy. Abs are great, but if your hygiene is off then it ain't happening.
DON’T: Constantly IM on Facebook. If you do, all bets are off!
GAG: I'd gag. Face i can work with. Jacked teeth are another story.
GOBBLE: I'd Put a Flag over his face & gobble for Glory!
Event Architect, Producer of the weekly soiree, The F Word.
GAG: I gotta pass. As we get older and wiser, bodies can be built. Faces? Some of the ugliest are the sexiest, but nasty teeth?! No way José!! Meth mouth is very 2005! Kissing is must in my book.
GOBBLE: Never let a little bit of ugly keep you from a big, happy dick. Put a paper bag over the motherfucker's head if it's really bad. But get that dick! Gobble it up - every inch of it. OK!!?
Brian Mills (New York City)
GOBBLE: Mind over muscle, anyone can hit the gym but intelligence is a rare gem. Busted face or not a man with sharp wit and wisdom can go a long way.
Sweet Pussy Pauline (Chicago)
Legendary Voice of "Work This Pussy"
GOBBLE: I recommend working not one but two bags: one you carry, the other’s to put over the head of that big, ugly, bean-eatin' son of a bitch! But remember, if the angle of the dangle is not proportional to the heat of the meat then it won’t work regardless, girl!
Paul Alexander (New York City)
Downtown Legend and 1/3 of The Ones
GAG: This is a buffet, I might try the sushi instead.
Brian Moylan (New York City)
Staff writer, Gawker.com
GOBBLE: I would have to pass on this since I have to stare at a guy's face over a romantic dinner, look into it when we discuss French Existentialism, and kiss it as we make out tenderly. You need a good face for that. Who am I fooling? I'd totally hit that, because I am slutty. Hot guys with busted faces is why god invented doggy style!
"Personally, I'm a face whore! A man's body can change every other
day, but it's what's upstairs that's gonna get my attention. After
all, that's the part I have to look at when I tell him he has to leave
in the morning. I'm a busy lady, after all!" Juanita MORE!
Feel free to blog, post, forward or quote, just be sure to credit Gaydar.net.
Photo collage:[L-R] Vanessa del Rio, Colton Ford, Michael Musto, Sherry Vine, Mike Albo, Harmonica Sunbeam, David Lauterstein, Shequida, Rafael Alencar, Jackie Beat (photo: Austin Young), Mike Alvear, Robin Byrd, Greg Scarnici, Michael Lucas, Miss Foozie, Steve Weinstein, Vinnie Potisivo, Gio, Elaine Lancaster, Mark Nelson, Robynne Kaamil, Brian Mills (photo: Caryn La Greca), Sweet Pussy Pauline, Paul Alexander, Brian Moylan.